Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
笑到我针眼都要爆炸了😆😆😆 好笑！就是好笑！圣母院着火的梗我脸都笑僵了
看到叉汉子梗的部分笑死我。另外怎么欧美白男为何永远在解决daddy issues啦。（BGM好几次太同人作了xs）发现老爷没披风的造型（。）太他妈像马律师了（你够了
笑果很不错哈哈。演女友的演员非常迷人，好像没啥名气。
哈哈哈哈哈笑不活了，梗超多，这不比新蝙蝠侠好看多了！
各种宇宙都有照顾到，各种梗用得也肥肠贴切，巴黎圣母院再烧一遍真的神烦哈哈哈哈哈，你们法国人可以的。会拍就多拍点！竟然没有彩蛋。
爱德华兹演反派还蛮像的，埃尔南戈麦斯要是这么认真训练，打个首发不难吧。
一本正经的恶搞，太搞笑，爸爸长得像凯文斯派西。虽然是蝙蝠侠但造型像黑豹。最后首映有 斯坦李的梗。恶搞美队钢铁侠冲向灭霸那段太一本正经了，笑死。巴黎圣母院有一次被烧了。。慎看，会笑死！从漫威到DC，超英的套路轻车熟路，一个个被恶搞的体无完肤。你绝对想不到逗比星爵能和癫狂的小丑完美合体。蝙蝠侠看了会落泪，托比·马奎尔看了会后悔……最后的广告植入简直是业界天花板。
恶搞的比较成功。这类电影一般就是离奇的展开，俗套的煽情。只要“有趣”，就能给电影加很多分的。
可能是因为自己也在养反复受伤的打球受伤手指的缘故，产生大量的共情和感动，觉得是看过最好的关于篮球和NBA的电影了。高清的镜头始终追踪着光影和亚当桑德勒的眼神，追踪着亚当桑德勒的沧桑面孔和胡须，让人不禁感叹习惯了他不正经喜剧形象的人再次见证岁月，又锤炼了一个见惯人情世故的暮年演员。配乐空灵抒情，几乎是半个文艺电影来塑造人的情感。
这什么………？除了孩子被🦅抓走，美国队长、绿巨人、雷神和钢铁侠出来时笑了笑，其他没意思。
恶搞超级英雄的下三路喜剧^^那一段大战劫匪的段落折腾死女主了
Always you against you
吾以为还不错。
笑死我了。笑的我都岔气了。这种二了吧叽没心没肺的恶搞电影，简直太减压了。比蠢蛋搞怪秀还好看。太好玩了
哈哈哈哈哈睡前無腦力薦！生活中再loser也包裹著一顆超級英雄的心，把漫威DC英雄們挨個反諷了一遍，最後還能峰迴路轉以及抱得美人歸，對了，廣告植入還能大賣，這才是真的無可複製（還想複製？）的superhero。法國導演真的太敢想太敢批了，連未來竣工的巴黎聖母院都不能倖免哈哈哈哈哈哈哈全程爆笑⋯⋯
除此之外本身的剧本也参杂了许多恶趣味，老少恋，总是扯掉裤子，还有讽刺神职人员，甚至恶搞了戏外影视行业的演员和导演。
剧情老套，但是没想到爱德华兹演技好，我费的电影，虽然最后埃尔南戈麦斯投敌了┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘
没啥意外，但科比的鞋和片尾出来的时候还是很掉了一地鸡皮疙瘩。
我很久没笑的这么欢了。
导演编剧没有一个懂球的，真不敢相信第三幕的高潮的设置是主角在休赛期球星高端接拨儿局上快攻扣了个空篮儿。觉得爱德华兹坏的，基本可以了解乔丹到底是个什么样的人了，论垃圾话有过之无不及。
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